Starving In The Suburbs

Today while doing research on ridding myself of this hideous "menopot" I ran across a good article on the Denver Times website. As I was reading it I became distracted by the flashing ad banner declaring that 1 in 8 Americans go to bed hungry every night.

Oh the irony of having a Feed America ad banner running across the top of an article on weight loss. I never finished the article as I had to click on the banner to get more information on these starving Americans. Now, please realize that I'm not trying to be ugly or anything, but while reading some of the "real people" stories, I couldn't help but notice that many of the families had members that belonged on "The Biggest Loser". I hate to think of anyone starving, but could they not have found thinner people for their "Faces of Hunger" page? I don't mean Ethiopian, fly speckled skinny, but some of those folks need to go to bed hungry for at least a few months.

So now that I've gotten offending a few folks out of the way, we can go back to talking about my constant weight loss struggle. I go to bed hungry on a regular basis as I don't eat after six anymore. Last Friday I was on the phone with someone and was trying to quietly eat my dinner while they spoke. It was only three o'clock, but I was getting ready to go to the gym and wouldn't get home until after eight, so that crappy mixture of spinach and salmon was going to be the last meal of the day.

I actually have read many articles on the difficulty of losing weight after 40 today and came away completely discouraged. It seems that short of abdominoplasty, my menopot is here to stay.

Apparently as I slip screaming into menopause my body is leeching estrogen from any source that it can get, and my belly fat has a reserve of it. That ugly little bowl between my hip bones is the only thing standing between me and my vagina completely drying up and falling slap off. This was not a great way to start Monday.

I've been on prescription progesterone cream for two years now to combat my estrogen dominance and it has really helped. No more hideous night sweats, minimal migraines, exhaustion, and sugar cravings. But now it's time to move to the big leagues of estrogen supplementation and I'm having mental difficulty with that. I used to think that menopause was no big deal and was a natural part of aging, however that was because I was in my know it all twenties. Now that I'm in my don't know/can't remember shit forties I'm seeing it in a whole new light.

As I said in yesterday's post, I ran into a forty-ish friend at the mall and we commiserated on the difficult of staying in shape after forty. As much as I enjoy working out, even I get tired of having every evening and most of my weekend taken up with exercising. I'm tired of eating healthy food.

I want a donut dammit. I know there's tons of sugar free/fat free food out there, but it's filled with worse chemicals than real food.

I did feel better reading that Tamilee Webb of "Buns/Abs/Willpower of Steel" also struggles with weight, not that you can tell from her photo. She admits to having a menopot, though I am assuming it was photoshopped away on the website.

I guess this means it's time for Spanx and I have resisted this offending garment as long as I had a crunch left in my body. I've crunched, planked, scrunched, and belly danced all to no avail. My middle section isn't going anywhere, so the only thing left is Lycra.

At least I'm surrounded by a whole neighborhood of starving women. You can't drive through here after five o'clock without almost running over a middle aged woman. From five to eight there are swarms of ladies walking, running, biking relentlessly around the lake. It looks like "Invasion of the Menopots" sometimes. They all have that grim, pissed off look women get when they are deprived of fat and carbohydrates.

Picture Madonna's constant expression and you'll see exactly what I mean.

Shit. It's ten already and that means lunch.

Love and Kisses,

Cult Diva