Pretty Young Things Suck

Late this afternoon my delightful and funny BF (she's really my evil BF, but has played nice lately) called me in a dither while I was watching "Generation Kill" for about the tenth time.

Don't make a face. I enjoy watching things like "Generation Kill" or "Jarhead" because they feature attractive, fit young men that sometimes are naked or partially naked. They make me hot in a good way, not an "oh shit, I must have forgotten my progesterone cream" way. I feel the same way about any Viggo Mortensen film, but I felt like I might need a break from him lately and went back to perusing young Marines instead. But this isn't about my sick inner world. It's about hers.

She called me while she was waiting for The Man to come over for a little afternoon delight and this is where we diverge into two completely different philosophies of life. In fact, I'm not sure why we are friends, but we are. She's waiting for a booty call while talking to me and wearing her new fetish, cutesy ensemble. Since she hadn't eaten all day, she was snacking on some potato chips until he got there. If I were waiting for a booty call I would have probably been pressure washing my house or disinfecting the carpet, as the first thing men notice is an immaculately clean house when they drop in for booty calls. I rarely give sex or relationship advice, but I did feel the need to tell her not to drop any crumbs in her crotch because men do not want to find potato chip crumbs in your panties. She took heed of my wise advice and commenced to crunch over the sink instead.

She called me primarily because she was so upset by the shopping trip she took instead of eating during her lunch hour. She had gone over to Colonial Mall and stopped at the Ross store, where she found a little something she had to have and took it to a cashier. A nasty, mean cashier that we no longer like. A young, insensitive cashier that had the actual gall to ask my cute and young looking friend..........

"Did she need the senior citizen discount?"

ZING! You're friggin' old and unhot the instant this happens. Luckily my BF is much more resilient than I. If this had happened to me, I would have come home and booked myself a month in a boot camp style spa with a plastic surgeon on duty. The cashier was about twelve and it was a rather insensitive thing to say to a woman of a certain age. I know I look old to pretty, young things, but guess what bitch? Age will get you. I hope that mean girl is a grandma by the time she's thirty-four, she deserves it.

My BF survived the insult to her mojo and lived to booty call anyway.

You go girl.

Love and Don't need no stinking senior citizen discount Kisses,

Cult Diva