Pick Up Or Put Down?

Lucky me. Today I was the recipient of what could only be termed the "cougar mating call" from a carload of teenage boys while I was walking through the grocery store parking lot. Holding on desperately to my dignity I slunk away from their cat calls as exiting shoppers openly gawked at me. Having a group of juvenile delinquents calling out "hey sexy mama" is not as flattering as the media wants you to believe with all this cougar dating nonsense going on. Plus, if you added the three young men's collective ages up, it totaled too close to mine and I just don't find that a sexy thought.

I don't get the younger man thing. I didn't date young guys when I was young, they were boring and didn't ever have any money to do anything. Which probably wouldn't have been too bad if they were actually skilled in the bedroom, because that would have at least been something interesting to do.

Older guys in their thirties were the hot ones. They had better cars, more money, and knew how to push your buttons, so to speak. As many times as you wanted, unlike their younger counterparts who could only be counted on to give you a blazing bladder infection while they were pushing their own buttons.

Where are all the good looking men in their 30's and 40's these days? Is there a shortage? Every time I see Madonna with her new little friend I think one thing and one thing only. She's going to adopt his ass if she doesn't get that African kid. He's not a sex toy, he's a back up plan.

Having this conversation with my friend last night, we both agreed that men are perfect from about 35 and up. They become considerate, interesting to talk to, and have a decent amount of mattress time logged in. I personally find older men way better looking than their younger versions, I just can't find someone attractive that has less chin hair than I do, or worse spends more time getting ready.

Plus, I don't ever want to come home and find him and all his buddies scattered all over my living room having a "Fallout 3" marathon. Nor do I ever want to be called "ma'am" by any of his friends.

Are older women more exciting and experienced? Of course we are silly, but why throw filet mignon at boys used to Taco Bell or McDonald's?

I would like for men my own age to think I'm attractive. Maybe even cut loose and howl out the window at me, I know it's immature, but it's a hell of a lot more flattering than a group of horny teenagers.

Drive on little boys, I think I saw some girls your age hanging out at the park.