Cult Diva Cleans Up Her Act

Talking yesterday to one of my online acquaintances I made the comment that I wanted to give the Master Cleanse another go and this time I would blog about it. I love making empty promises almost as I like making empty threats. But this time I mean it--seriously. It's time to clean up my act.

So I went to the experts on clean living; Gwyneth Paltrow and Dr. Alejandro Junger. I'm not sure what exactly Gwyn's qualifications are except that she's a skinny actress and he is a cardiologist, plus practices integrative medicine. Whatever that is. He has a book coming out this May called "Clean" which gives you all the information necessary to activate your natural "detoxification" system. But what the hell, I've started other important projects, i.e. motherhood, on shakier information than those two could ever come up with.

Now Gwyneth does the Master Cleanse and says it works really well for her, but she finds the rigorous cleanse a bit hallucinogenic (in a bad way--her words, not mine). I don't mind a little hallucination, so exactly how much tripping is she talking about? I just want to lose a few pounds and feel euphoric, not wake up naked on my neighbor's lawn raving about centipedes and midgets chasing me.

So starting today, I am going to try the more gentle detox cleanse she has on her website: http://www.goop.com/. I have to run buy a juicer today, plus all the foods she listed that I would need this week. I will be giving up dairy, gluten, red meat, shellfish, nightshades (tomatoes, eggplant, potatoes, belladonna), condiments (my husband wouldn't make it through the first day), soda, sugar, caffeine, and fatty nuts.

Thank god vodka is not on that list. I know it's made from potatoes, but there is that one that P.Diddy drinks called Ciroc that's made from grapes and that is on my list. I can't possibly drink all those smoothies without a little extra joy thrown in. The coffee part will be bad though, I probably will sleep until about Wednesday.

I'm running out now with my little list of goodies to buy. I will officially start tomorrow as I have already had several cups of coffee and a few shots of vodka already. I did however skip the Bailey's in anticipation of of the cleanse and I swear I'm already feeling a little light and euphoric. I do wish those nasty leprechauns would quit making faces at me from the corner, but I'll just have to keep telling myself that they really don't exist and put a fly swatter on my list to deal with them if they really become problematic.

Love and Kisses,

Cult Diva