The Beauty Mossad

Who are all these beautiful, young people accosting you so aggressively at the mall hawking their "made in Israel" beauty products? You know what I'm talking about, you're strolling along peacefully looking in store windows when you are stealthily approached by a charming and attractive young person who just wants to either rub lotion on you, straighten your hair, or apply mineral cosmetics to your tired and oily face. I call them Mall Menaces and try to avoid them, because inevitably they will sell me one of the overpriced products.



And when did Israel corner the market on beauty products? They seem to have an entire industry devoted to beautifying the world. Seriously, how many more trees can we possibly plant there by purchasing beauty products? Look at a map, it's a small country. I know I have individually planted the equivalent of Sherwood Forest with my own purchases, at least send me a picture or something.



I haven't checked lately, but I am sure that the Dead Sea must surely be a run off drain at this point. Have they sucked all the minerals out of it by now to make all of those highly scented, over priced salt scrubs and lotions?



But the best question of all is this: where do they find all of those gorgeous and charming young people to sell the products? Have you ever met an unappealing Mall Menace? Do these companies only hire the most attractive applicants, and why in the world would anyone choose to do this for a job? My own personal belief is that these mall beauty kiosks are some new branch of the Mossad, Israel's intelligence agency, as I believe if a young Israeli will spend a year selling overpriced beauty products in a mall all day, they can do anything. Talk about sacrificing for your country! I suspect the interview questions must look like this:

1. Do you mind touching middle aged people and making suggestive remarks while you rub cheap, smelly lotion into their wrinkled old hides?


2. Is spending your day in ugly suburban shopping malls a personal goal for you?


3. Do you mind bargaining and making "secret" deals with customers in an effort to get them to spend as much money as possible on overpriced products.


4. Will it bother you when people turn around and run from you the minute they see you cruising for business?
5. Are you comfortable chasing and haranguing total strangers in a desperate attempt to sell them products?

So how do companies get these kids anyway? I did find an ad for a salesperson on one of the company's home sites. The ad was for a cosmetic salesperson in Vancouver, and just asked that the salesperson enjoy working with the public and cosmetics. If I actually liked people, this probably would be a perfect job for me, however I'm not a "people" person and only like cosmetics when I personally plan to purchase them.

I got nailed last Friday at Lenox mall in Atlanta by a new Israeli based beauty company, at least new to me. I was being called by my mothership--Sephora--when a gorgeous young woman stepped into my path and offered to make me over. Hooked like a snapper I immediately sat down and let her clean off my afternoon greasy face and reapply a nice new coat of paint on me. Her particular line of mineral makeup is called Mica Bella Cosmetics and it's actually not too bad. It's way too expensive, but that's to be expected of Mall Menace products. Of course we talked the whole time, she's Middle Eastern and so am I. She also looks like the daughter I didn't have and that made me think about how far from home she was, and that her mom must miss her so much. So of course I bought some eye makeup, it was glitttery and gorgeous. She had the same colors on and since we have the same eye color I could see how it would look on me. She tried to make me a deal on the whole set of mineral makeup, but I had my heart set on some goodies from Sephora and in these trying economic times did not feel like spending so much.

No, I really said that. I swear I'm not newly possessed by a thrifty Satan or anything. Having a car payment again plus saving for Italy/Spain makes one aware that every dollar counts. However, I did like the make up very much and of course the sales girl would make a great daughter in law.

Yes, I daughter-in-law shop. Despite the fact that the Teenager is just that, it's never too early to begin searching for the woman that will be buying your future Mother's Day cards. I realize the importance of a good daughter in law now that I'm getting older, since one day she will probably have to help me go to the bathroom and I am determined to get the right one for me and my son. Currently the Teenager is dating The Petite Beauty, who I must say is perfect for him. She took care of him this weekend when he almost amputated his finger cutting the hedges, plus she then finished the yard work while he watched television and bleated pitifully for Gatorade and grilled cheese sandwiches. However, she could get tired of him and move on, so I need a back up plan just in case he has trouble finding another accommodating door mat.

Lital , my newest potential daughter in law, has a lot going for her. She can sell me and my friends more Mica Bella mineral make up. She's brunette (he prefers brunettes) and she's already Jewish. Her family is in Israel, so we have a place to stay for visits. I hope they have a big house. She also has good hips and this is important. The Teenager comes from a line of big headed people, his dad's family are known for their large heads. His is like a basketball; it's just enormous. His head was seventeen inches in diameter when he was born and I will be the first to tell you that I know for a fact there were not enough drugs in my epidural. For god's sake, I conceived him while high as hell; what did it matter if I tripped a little during the actual birth? Why are they so cheap with the drugs at a hospital? I personally plan on measuring hips when the Teenager finds "the One" just to make sure they don't go through what I did. I can't have a crippled daughter-in-law, who would wait on me in my old age?

So I got my potential d-in-laws phone number for future reference and continued my journey to Sephora for a few more goodies. The only thing really new I bought was a gorgeous gold flecked lip gloss by Guerlain--Terracotta Gloss and Shine in Amber Sun. I'm still shopping for the perfect mascara and am disappointed by the selection out there. However today I am going for Fraxel treatment number four and am purchasing Latisse--the new FDA approved prescription lash enhancer, so be looking for the before pics I will be adding this afternoon. I have not done a picture directly after a Fraxel treatment, so I think I owe it to my loyal viewers to let you all see how truly awful you look. Try to tune in after lunch only and make small children leave the room.

If you get a chance, check out this post on another aggressive cosmetic line with sales people that come at you like a freight train:

http://aestheticcoo.blogspot.com/2009/04/victoria-jackson-makeup-cheap-and-lots.html%22%3Eaestheticcoo: Victoria Jackson Makeup- Cheap and Lots of It

This is a fun site for other makeup addicts as well.

See you this afternoon!

Love and Kisses,

Cult Diva