All The Lonely People

Today I brought home a new book from our library, "Why He Didn't Call You Back" by Rachel Greenwald. I like to read dating advice books sort of like I enjoy reading cook books; meaning that I understand the concept of cooking, but prefer to observe other people actually doing it.

I've been happily married for a few years because I finally lucked out in the dating lottery and got the winning ticket. I hit the Mega-Millions statistically speaking, but only because I played the love lottery so often. I deserved a win as I had spent over thirty years dating and marrying a dizzying array of complete assholes. The only good thing I can say about my dating resume is that I never made the same mistake twice, I could always find a partner with a totally new dysfunction to hook up with.

The book provides over one thousand opinions from men on why they did not call a woman back after a date. From always having guys for friends I'm well aware of how many crazy women are swimming in the dating pool, but when did the rules of engagement get so complicated? My game went sort of like this:

1. See potential object of affection
2. Get together
3. Like each other=have sex at some point after appropriate number of dates.
4. Dislike each other, but guy is hot=have sex and give them a wrong phone number so that you never have to see them again.
5. Dislike each other, guy lost hotness factor somewhere on date=migraine, family emergency, pet suddenly ill, paper cut. You must leave date immediately.

This book threw too many options at me to process all at once. I'm sorry, when did men get so discerning?

It sounded like they were interviewing a bunch of women instead. I read reasons such as "she had bad table manners", and my personal favorite "was too sure of herself". In all fairness the author also did interview many of the women after dates too, and it just sounded like there was lots of poor communication between the couples. So what else is new?

When did dating get so un-fun?

Again, I'm glad not to be out there anymore. I only had a few moments of doubt with my spouse-to-be on our first date. He's a really quiet person and I interpreted his silence as lack of interest in me. He really didn't say much of anything during our lunch, so I went into entertainment overdrive to fill the silence. After our lunch he politely walked me to my car and mentioned that my windshield wiper was about to fall off. He then pulled a tool out of a pocket in his uniform and fixed it for me. Didn't say a word or give advice where to go to get it fixed; he just did it right there.

I made immediate mental plans to sleep with him as soon as possible, and in nice Southern girl style invited him over for a home cooked meal which is secret code for "you're going to get some."

Dating is just that simple.

If you get a chance, do stop by Rachel Greenwald's website: www.whyhedidntcallyouback.com

Love and Kisses,

Cult Diva