No More Secrets Victoria; Who Is This Stuff For?

Lean in and let me whisper in your ear what my secret is.......

I'm tired of expensive, poorly made, and badly sized knickers at Victoria's Secret.

I'm on strike. They can raise the limit on my card ten more times and I am OVER them for good this time.

Here's what pisses me off about Victoria's Secret...and Fredrick's, if your listening, this goes for you too. I am a small sized woman, 5'4 and about 130 extremely toned pounds, but I cannot find a damned thing that fits me except a large at Victoria's Secret. Who in the hell is this stuff for, my damn Barbie collection? I'd like to wear a little something something occasionally, but according to their sizing I'm too fat to look good in it.

Victoria, I would like some vanity sizing in your store. I get it in other stores. I am a 2 at Banana Republic, dammit. I have decided that for me to continue giving you my money I would like to be a small at your store. Perhaps even a petite. Also, I need you to make the tops of your stockings wider. I do not feel sexy when the top of my thigh has been squished up into a roll of flab at the top. Here are some other changes I would like to see:

• Softer lighting and a mirror that makes me look leaner in your dressing rooms. Today I gasped in horror as I tried on bras. Who was the lumpy fat ass in the mirror? ME! Did I buy any bras? NO! Did I slink in shame from the store? YES! If ever you should suffer from an excess of self esteem, then go try on a few things at VS. You'll spend the rest of the week purging and exercising. I spent four hours at the gym after my VS visit today.
• A bra selection that is really in my size. I know my measurements, but it makes me very unhappy to see fat hanging over the back of the bra when I try my correct size on. I already have big boobs, I don't need vanity sizing here. Also, why the hell do you have padding in D and DD bras? Occasionally I like for a man to glance at my face, and adding to my front view guarantees that this never happens.
• A few sexy numbers in a size bigger than a 36 C, which is the highest number your nightwear generally goes up to.
• A thong with a wider seat. I know I am about to tread into dangerous water here (not that that has ever stopped me), but it's time women spoke up. I've lived, loved, and pushed out an enormous child. I understand the whole thong thing, and I have made peace with the idea of my rear end hanging out. However I cannot deal with the "V" being bifurcated into a "W". An inch more of fabric would make a big difference.
• Refusing entry to men UNLESS they have a sample of clothing that their girlfriend actually fits into. This would save millions of dollars for men everywhere and lead to happy girlfriends. I have realized for years that men in love simply cannot measure anything or just don't understand that size is not a matter of opinion. Show me a man in love and I will show you a man about to buy his girlfriend a sized small thong. Extra small even. I had to sit my husband down once and explain that just because a thong is butt-less does not mean one size fits all. Just because you have decided I am just a tiny little thing (and I appreciate that) does not make it a reality. If you must, take something from my lingerie drawer, not the dirty clothes hamper and take it to the store with you for reference. Stop for a second and remember if you have ever seen me in this item more than once (that indicates that it fits and I like it). This would not only save money, but save women from the humiliation of trying to make men happy by squeezing into expensive lingerie that is way too small. Then never, ever wearing it again.
• Having special hours for men. I'm no prude, but I really don't like to shop with other women's husbands/boyfriends in the store. I may want to try on something freakyish (for Victoria's Secret) and don't want your man picturing me in it. Leave them on the bench outside the store please.
• Bras that are well made. I don't mind spending money on lingerie, but I expect it to last for more than six months. I have several Biolift bras that have almost killed me from exposed wires and are letting me down with worn out straps. I hand wash all my lingerie and have given up on VS bras. They suck, I'm going back to La Perla. If I'm going to spend green, I want a bra that lasts at least a year.
• Get some models that look like us. I want to see some women with real curves in the five million catalogs you send me. Heidi Klum does not count. Anyone that has a baby and can be in your show in eight weeks is an alien. She's not even human. How am I supposed to see myself in your product if the median age of your models hovers around 22?
• Please remember that us "girls" in our 30's and 40's are the ones with disposable income. I've worked hard to look good and I would like some sexy underwear that looks good on my older body. I'm not ready for granny panties yet and don't plan on wearing them for quite some time. You need to recognize the Boomer's and X'ers out there.

Sadly I left Victoria's today with nothing. After trying on several unflattering things, I decided to save the money. I'm going to Atlanta next weekend for a writer's conference, I'm sure there are a few shops up there that would appreciate me more.

Love and Kisses,

Cult Diva