Cult Diva Goes To Vanity Fair

Who takes two weeks worth of clothes and accessories, not to mention cosmetics, on a two day weekend trip to the big city? I do, of course. I have no idea what I might do from moment to moment, so I might as well be prepared for anything. And if I don't have it, I can always run out to one of the hundreds of retail megastores located around my mom's house in Atlanta.

And I did. God knows I don't miss Atlanta traffic, but I do miss everything else. So much to the point that Atlanta traffic is not looking so bad these days. Nor is living in a much, much smaller home than I have now. I almost relish the thought of having to chain furniture to the front porch to keep it from being stolen. Or locking doors and windows. What's the point of safety when you are bored to death?

For those of you still living in urban areas that dream of moving to quaint little towns filled with friendly people and small town charm; get over it. It's a myth. If you need quaintness, drive to Savannah for the weekend or any of a dozen towns in North Georgia. Enjoy yourself, flip wistfully through real estate guides, talk to the local people (they're much friendlier when they are benefiting from your tourist dollars), and then on Sunday drive home. When ever I come back from a trip to Atlanta or any other metropolitan area I spend days in a horrible state of culture shock and awe.

But enough of that. Let's move on to all the fun things I squeezed into my short visit. First of all I drove out of here like an refugee fleeing the revolution. I made it to Atlanta in 3.5 hours, beating all previous records. Stopped to see Maman and friends first, and to have a few cocktails. A little background information is probably necessary here. Maman is Atlanta's oldest bartender at 71 and is still mixing and dishing at Hong Li Lounge, a Chinese themed sports bar where you can still get a cheap drink and a pop fiction paperback. Maman, aka "Big Carole", always wanted to be a librarian, so she set up a lending library at the bar. The clientele is an eclectic mix of young professional, aging alcoholics, fun married couples, unsuccessful local musicians, retirees, and a handful of very "A" list gays. I got to catch up with all my favorite people and have a great Basil Chicken too.

Next day was the Spring Book Show at the Galleria. I went of course for the writer's workshops, mainly to see my heroine, Hollis Gillespie. If you have not read any of her books, shame on you. If perhaps you are not a reader then at least buy them for the provocative titles. My personal favorite is "Confessions of a Recovering Slut." Carry that to a Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting and let the fun begin. She is as funny in person as in print, so that was worth the price of admission right there. I stayed for two more seminars; both of the motivational sort and they too were worth it. I came back with all sorts of ideas for my writing and some good tips for publicity too.

But as always a Cult Diva has to do what a Cult Diva does best. I found a seriously wonderful boutique at the Galleria called "Design Faze", in case you want to look them over their website is http://www.designfazeboutique.com/. The pretty girl in the "About Us" section is the owner, I do wish I had gotten her name while I was there. I bought the most gorgeous green top ever, plus the necklace she accessorized it with, and a unique handcrafted bracelet too. Everything in the store was very Cult Diva and better than that, inexpensive. She has handbags and shoes too, plus really has an eye for putting things together. The store was merchandised very well and you know I always notice these things.

After the conference we went to Cumberland mall, which has undergone a serious face lift since I've been gone. I got to go in a few stores, and managed to pick up a pretty little bag at DSW. It's a Jessica Simpson and I think her purses and shoes are really cute. She needs to stay in the fashion business, because bless her heart, she can't sing worth a shit. She seems to have found a niche for herself in low end ready to wear, and I really like the things I have purchased from it. I predict a HSN or QVC line soon for Jessica and she needs to take them up on it. Put the fork and the mike down honey; you are can't sing or act, but you are pretty and that counts as a talent in my book.

The next day the Teenager and I hit up Lenox for serious shopping. Serious shopping occurs when the voice of reason aka my mother is not with us. First was Urban Outfitters, where the Teen found many new spring looks to choose from. This trip was all about him and the continuation of his birthday celebration. Some boys have a Bar Mitzvah to celebrate becoming a man, but mine was happy to be a preferred customer at J. Crew, Ralph Lauren, Abercrombie, and Brooks Brothers. He hasn't quite gotten that he can do WASP drag all he wants, but the Jew-fro gives him away every time. This is what I get for dressing him in Baby Gap and Nautica though, so it is all my fault anyway.

While he was swooning over J. Crew's spring looks, I was drawn to my mother ship-Sephora. I can spend hours, literally hours, doing and redoing my face and spritzing perfume on swatches. I lucked out by finding two adorably beauty clueless young ladies to take under my well accessorized and toned arm and turned them on to all my favorite cult brands. I'm feeling generous today so I will share with you too.

• Cleopatra by Tocca. I love this perfume and have been wearing it daily since purchasing it and you know how unusual that is for me. I found out they have the body cream too and I must acquire it. Men will stop you in the street to ask what it is and women will hate your fragranced fabulousness. Like you care.



• Stila Kajal in Black Onyx. New favorite khol for bedroom eyes. I could care less if this is a daytime look or not. It's cocktail hour somewhere.



• Guerlain Terracotta Loose Khol Liner. I love the Brun 2, which is a delicious golden brown.



• Smashbox O-Plump Intuitive Lip Plumper and "O" Glow cheek color. These are the best ever for a natural "no make up" look. The sheer pink lip gloss plumps up your lips and imparts a natural, no smear shade to them. The cheek color goes on clear, then turns becomes a very natural healthy flush. Remember, this is what I wore to surgery so that I would look pretty while anesthetized. My evil best friend voted me "Girl Most Likely To Be A Necrophilia Victim". I still don't know why I still speak to her, I think it's because I'm afraid not too. She knows too much.



• Make Up For Ever Lift Concealer for my eye area. I picked a color that was a little too light, but I really like the soft coverage. It doesn't cake up or crease like most concealers do under the eyes, so I look less Baby Jane-ish.



• NARS Orgasm and Super Orgasm Blush. I cannot believe neither of these girls had not heard of these cult products before. What do they teach in school these days?? Not everybody is going to grow up to be a rocket scientist. Some of us are just going to be pretty and that's it. By god, I'm starting my own program--"No Bitch Left Behind" to educate these poor sad examples of femininity. They had never heard of The Multiple either, what sort of mothers did these girls have?

Before we knew it, it was seven o'clock and way overdue for us to leave. We sadly drove away, with our radio set to WCLK-jazz of the city and observed the wonder that is downtown Atlanta. The late afternoon sun tinted the glass monoliths in glowing gold, copper, and platinum as we headed south on I-75 toward the oblivion of small towns that make up the rest of Georgia. The Teenager turned around to get one last picture on his phone so to hold on to the moment just a little longer and the sound of jazz slowly faded out with the sun.