This year seemed to be the year of Best vs. Worst dressed. You either looked fabulous or puzzlingly awful. I honestly wondered if some of the stars on my worst dressed list actually had mirrors at home, or just fawning acolytes.
And was there a shortage of Botox in Hollywood? I don't know if it's just high definition television, or has everyone gone off the juice. I saw many women younger than myself walking the red carpet with serious crow's feet. Are they in now? Damn it anyway, I just got my quarterly allowance of wrinkle poison. It's going to take months for me to get my crow's feet back now, and by that time they'll be out again.
Let's get started on some of the more hideous looks, shall we?
Now you know damn well I wasn't going to let this one go. Before last night I would have said you could put Beyonce in a sack and she would look hot. However I cannot for the life of me figure out why this gorgeous woman left the house wearing a dress made from the remnants of material her grandmama used to reupholster her couch. Did her mama whip this up before the awards and guilt trip baby girl into wearing it? Whyyyyyy? Beyonce was made to dress up and go to award shows, she always looks fierce. Here I just want to tip her on her side and sit on her. I wish that after her song and dance routine she had just kept on the red leotard, it looked better.
I think high definition television also made many of the women looked washed out in their dresses also. I could not help but notice all the white dresses on the white girls. Instead of flattering their complexions, it made them looked wan and ill. Many of the dresses were fabulous, just not on the women that wore them. Anne Hathaway fell into this category. Her Armani Prive dress was gorgeous, but drained all the color from her face. She looked positively tubercular.The bodice of the dress was poorly fitted as well, it stood out from her bony chest like sequined breast armor. Melissa George was another one. You have to be beautiful to wear a stark color and she's rather bland looking. Jessica Biel looked like she got out of the shower and wrapped a satin towel around herself. That big, bulky fold of fabric in the front was awkward and her hair....correct me if I am wrong, but that girl had fuck hair. Don't you just adore young love?
Evan Rachel Wood also chose an ivory color. She's so beautiful, I loved her makeup, hair, and fingernails. The dress was marvelous, but I felt the color didn't flatter her pale skin as much as a deeper color might have.
Penelope Cruz and Taraji Henson got it right. Both of them have the pigment to pull a white dress off. They looked glowing, not washed out. Penelope Cruz's vintage Balmain dress was exquisite, but the bodice was also badly fitted for her. I am curious why the waist was higher on this dress , it make her look fuller through the middle. Was it age, a light colored dress, or too much time at the tapas bar? Marissa Tomei also dazzled in her Versace. However the most awkward moment of the pre-show came when an interviewer from E! asked her where she had been all these years. Horribly long pause, then she finally stuttered out "I've been around." Then she kicked her train around and swept past him.
Jennifer Anniston looked very pretty in her Valentino silver frock. Say what you want, but she has class if nothing else. I do hope she does something soon with that chin though. Is it an implant? Whatever it is, it's frightening. Apparently date John Meyer joked that it took her three hours to get ready. He's an idiot, it probably took her three months. For God's sake she was facing off Angelina that night. I just wish she had done something different with her hair. Yes, she looks great for forty, but leave the sorority girl hair at home when you put on couture. Leslie Mann also chose silver and her fluid Pamella Roland sheath fitted her petite figure perfectly.
Why did all the cute, young girls wear ugly clothes? Help me here. Amanda Seyfried wore a dress that I swear looked exactly like a cheap bridesmaids rag. The big bow in the front made her look huge in the hips and was awkward looking with the tightly fitted top. I thought the color was harsh on her also. Vanessa Minillo looked like the world's youngest madam. I normally love Marchesa, what happened here? Why couldn't Beyonce have picked this dress? Tear off all that crap on the bodice and she would have just killed this one.
Miley Cyrus. Loooongg sigh here. Who dressed her? Dolly Parton? This is what happens when white trash gets money. Glitter, volume, and poof do not equal style or taste. Somebody needs to tell her a little bedtime cautionary tale about Britney Spears before it's too late.....
Natalie Portman and Alicia Keyes picked to die for pink gowns. Thank god for a different color and such a flattering one!
Freida Pinto also glowed in a fabulous blue violet asymmetrical Galliano frock. I thought the fit was perfect and I loved the subtle detailing. For once he let the design and structure speak without small town pageant queening it up with too much frou-frou.
Lots of red too, which I think flatters most complexions. Except for Amy Adams. The dress was great, the enormous collar of jewels were fabulous. Here's another dress Beyonce could have pulled off. Amy Adams normally looks exquisite, but this color completely overwhelmed her. It made her look aged and harsh. Heidi Klum also chose red,which does flatter her. However this dress looks like she gave her children some fabric and played "Project Runway" with them. It was an origami nightmare. Virginia Madsen pulled off the best red of the night in her slinky and understated asymmetrical dress.
Sarah Jessica Parker's dress was wonderful as always. When you are ugly, you have to dress to perfection and she always has. I wish the soft color had shown up better and I prefer her hair lighter. Her features are harsh and the light hair softens them. It was nice of her to bring her boobs with her too. I'm sure it gave husband Matthew Brodrick something to focus on while he was being ignored. But he's probably used to that anyway.
Another belle laide is the elegant Marion Cotillard. Her dress was also Dior. Loved the hair, loved the makeup. Someone should have snatched that necklace off of her though before she left her limo. It simply did not fit, it was much too casual. All the world's jewels available to borrow and she picks this.
Kate Winslet and Meryl Streep did not disappoint in their elegant smokey gray gowns. They both looked predictably glamorous as always. However, what happened to Reese Witherspoon? She normally always nails it, I don't think I have ever seen her in anything unattractive ever. Until last night. What a horrid dress! Who did that to her? Just because Jake played a gay man in a movie does not mean she needs to go to him for fashion advise. He was only acting.
You know I'm not going to wrap this up without mentioning Brad and Angie. They are so pretty they don't even really have to try anymore. I enjoyed watching Angie sitting in the audience with her Morticia dress. Of course she was smiling at poor Jennifer. She has her man, a bunch of babies, and those green with envy emerald ear bobs. Who wouldn't have a smug smile?
And of course there's Tilda Swinson. Thank God for her. You know no matter how bad you look, she looks worse. This year she looked like a spinster librarian--again.
Anyway the party ended for me around midnight. The cats are all sleeping in from all the catnip they ingested, naughty little sybarites that they are. Sleep tight little kitties.
Love and Kisses,
Cult Diva
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